A personal post and a hopeful return

So, i'm back, kind of. I am beyond heartbroken still. The person I loved cheated on me, and I acted like an angry arsehole, and they left me, forever, and I find surviving beyond hard. I have been in hospital, been to the lowest place a human could go, and i'm not sure how to move forward, but maybe trusty cosmetics will suffice to distract.

It's been a weird couple of months.  I have a thing called Borderline Personality Disorder, which is something I never ever took seriously, but looking through at the descriptions, I can understand why I reacted to them leaving me with several suicide attempts, and pure and total anger. I also have, since this happened, been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which has meant that every reminder, or idea about the event of them leaving in the way they did causes massive panic attacks. Seeing as I live in the house we shared, it's pretty hard to escape. They buggered off,  and jumped back into their life and left me a mess. I should have known better....but everyone likes to believe they're the 'one. I clearly wasn't. I also have OCD, Somatisation Disorder and MDD. For years I just brushed them off, apart from the odd sectioning from a suicide attempt, I just tried to 'get on with it'.

Since they left me, I haven't been able to socialise, leave the house or do...well...anything. I have no help so all I can do is try and keep my brain occupied as possible, and for a while (and this just SHOWS how unwell i've been) I didn't wear any make up, or even shave my legs (argh!). I have started to force myself to do so, and now, in the interests in not having literally no reason to exist on this earth, i'm going to try and do a little therapy on myself in the form of make up chatter. I hope you can join me, and if you're interested, that's awesome.

So, given that, here's some stuff I have that I LOVE, and some stuff I can't wait to own and review.

Sleek Matte Me in Brink Pink, Party Pink, Fandango Purple and my FAV, Rioja Red - I suggest you get hold of these. They're basically as good as any high end matte liquid lipstick, for under a FIVER!

Mac Retro Matte Visual

There's a new Mac counter been opened ten minutes walk from me. DREAMS COME REAL. I realised I was suffering severe depression when I found out and I said 'so?' but I forced myself there and enjoyed the beautiful new testers that were completely untouched. Anyway, I bought the much anticipated Retro Matte lippies, which are mostly permanent, so don't panic if you've found the counters empty, they will be restocked, which goes someway to pleasing me regarding my recent upset regarding Mac as a brand. Anyway, I replaced my beloved Ruby Woo, and added All Fired Up and Flat Out Fabulous to my fast growing matte lips collection. I also bought the pro longwear lip pencils in More to love and Dynamo and I tell you something, I tested these guys on my hand in the store. THREE DAYS LATER there are still remnants on my hand, and I have OCD, so I wash my hands A LOT. Trust me, these are purchases you want to make.

I AM IN LOVE. Await my words.

I also treated myself to Nars Radiant Cream Compact Foundation in Siberia. I am quite attached to the foundation, because I bought it the first time I forced myself out of the flat, despite being wracked with unhappiness and fear. I went to the Space NK in South Molten St in central london, dressed in raggedy tracky bottoms and jumper, sweaty from the sunshine, and the assistant helped me, despite my face looking ravaged from tears, big black circles around my eyes, no make up on my face. I am so thankful for not being judged, and her being kind whilst I stuttered, ashamed of how I looked, and who I was. Thank you Space NK lady.

It's not a perfect product, but it's pretty beautiful if you know what you can expect from it. Review coming, obvs. 

A total indulgent treat was my By Terry Royal Navy kohl from Space NK. It's the most INTENSE blue I have ever witnessed, and I recently had to throw out the YSL coloured mascaras my ex bought me as it broke my heart to see them. It's waterproof, and get this, it actually draws on the waterline, and stays.....and stays......and stays! Review, as per, coming as soon as i'm able.

Bourjois Blush Exclusif, which is working on the same priciple as Smashbox O Glow except as a cream instead of a gel. I much prefer it, and it's half the price. Awesome.

Things i'm looking forward to ARE

MUA Luxe Velvet Lip Gloss - a dupe for the Lime Crime velvetines if ever I saw one, and at a SNIP of the price at £3. Come on October 23rd, come quicker!!!

And talking of Lime Crime, they've got the most PERFECT coloured velvetine coming out for fall. Just look---->

I think I just came.


So. I'm not going to pretend i'm not a total mess. I feel like doing this might help a bit though, so I hope you don't mind reading my badly written heartbroken drivel. I love make up and I love music. I'm trying to find something in both of these to keep going....